Best of times, worst of times

This should be a fantastic time to be a Charlton fan. Secure(-ish) in mid-table, we've stopped the rot which set in at the end of 2005, we're in the FA Cup quarter finals for the third time since 1947, we've the best English striker in the Premiership and we've come out of the Danny Murphy saga one cry-baby lighter and a few million pounds richer than we would have been.

But instead, it feels a bit of an anti-climax. The boring draw with Aston Villa was a meeting of two sides whose primary objective is survival, rather than entertainment, and has been for some time. It wasn't exactly a thriller at Villa Park earlier this season, or last season either. There's probably another five or six games to go that'll be like Saturday's. Never mind trumpeting our links with Llanera, we might as well strike a deal with Beaumont Beds. Feeling excited yet?

Much of it's the Premiership malaise that affects us all. The FA Cup games shunted to midweek to chase the TV pounds. Liverpool away moved to feed the Prem Plus monster for the second season running. The malaise has also convinced some that we might lose Darren Bent in the summer, just because that's the way it has to be. Not a healthy way for fans to be thinking.

And some of it is of our own doing. Was it just me that winced when it was announced that about a tenth of our support had come in on the Flask Express? I didn't bother with the pub after the Villa game and walked out onto Woolwich Road to find a logjam of coaches going to places I'd never heard of. Hard luck if you just want a 177, all you can see is Rickshaws. Great Chart? What's that? I thought about stowing away on the one to Margate and paying my old nan a visit, after all, it's a bugger of a journey by train.

Has it come to this, bussing in one in every ten fans from distant places? A club in a city of seven million people having to bus them in from the sticks? Whatever happened to going to the match with your mates, with your family, going to the pub before or after, and enjoying the social occasion? I thought that maybe they were taking some cars off the road, but the traffic was as bad as ever. How long will the club's neighbours tolerate this?

I advised a couple of Valley visitors stuck at a bus stop they'd be better off walking to North Greenwich tube - it's bizarre we make it easier to get to Dymchurch from the Valley, but almost impossible to get one-and-a-half miles up the road. But it's the Charlton way. New custom from Kent and beyond has to be a good thing - but not at the cost of neglecting our roots, our neighbours, and the many thousands of fellow Londoners who might fancy coming down for a game.

The Charlton way is also now to rip you off for calling the ticket office. I was looking at Birmingham City's site the other day, and thinking "good thing Charlton don't make us pay through the nose just to call the ticket office, eh?" Spoke too soon.

Despite cafc.co.uk's dubious claim that the new 0871 226 1905 is not a premium rate number, it'll still cost you a minimum of 6p a minute from a BT landline (and maybe as much as 10p), and possibly more from a mobile, just to call the ticket office. (In fact, Ofcom wants to reclassify them as... premium rate numbers.) I'm lucky, the ticket office is a few minutes' walk from my front door, but for anyone else, or those Valley Express passengers? And no, just because every other club does it doesn't make it alright.

It all drags us back down to being mere customers rather than fans with an interest in a club. Is it any surprise that some spectacularly deluded people have started booing the likes of Marcus Bent (after only six games???) when they're treated like open wallets to be exploited to suit call centres or TV transmission times, rather than people who need to know the success of the club partly depends on them? I don't buy this crap that it's "new fans" who are booing the likes of Big Bent, Kish and Hughes, it's probably old fans that have stopped caring because they - rightly or wrongly - think the club has stopped caring and stopped trying.

There is hope, of course. The supporters' election generated a level of debate, and while it's down to Ben Hayes to reinvigorate the position next season, I hope Vince and Brian also stay involved in the debate. The new Valley View fanzine ain't bad at all and deserves to be a success. Perhaps we are starting to get used to our mid-table status. Things can be turned around, and us as fans have a role to play. Because with season-ticket renewal time looming - especially those five-year ones - I don't think many of us can stomach another match like the Villa game.

Charlton 0-0 Aston Villa

A 0-0 draw so ragged, it spent last night on the Embankment with ten cans of White Lightning. Charlton edged it in the first half, a poor Villa side looked more likely to score in the second. But it proved a frustrating afternoon. Darren Bent and Marcus Bent worked well together up front, but Marcus went off injured in the second half and Jay Bothroyd seemed unwilling to give anyone else the ball. Our midfield was ropey, Kish working himself into the ground but Darren Ambrose was too, too easy to push off the ball. Jason Euell looked lively in his first appearance at The Valley in far too long. Our defence was a bit kamikaze, but did the job, and I'd imagine Curbs will at least be relieved with the clean sheet. I can't think of much else sensible to say of the worst Premiership game I've seen in a long old while, but a point's better than nothing, and a February that's lasted an eternity for us is finally over.

Hot dates with the Boro boys

It's all Cup, Cup, Cup with Middlesbrough, isn't it? They're through to the next round of the Uefa Cup, so our home Premiership game with them gets shunted to the graveyard that is a Sunday 3pm kick-off on 12 March, where nobody can hear you scream. And then our FA Cup quarter-final is on... wait for it... Thursday 23 March, presumably because Liverpool and Chelsea threatened to sulk if they didn't get the prime Tues/Weds spots.

So the Premier League's now told Fat Freddy to bring Newcastle down on the following Sunday, rather than the Saturday (an arrangement which might suit his side since they're playing Chelsea on Wednesday). Which is nice of them.

FA Cup quarter-finals

Mon 20 Mar
Man City/Aston Villa v West Ham/ Bolton (8.05pm, BBC something)

Tue 21 Mar
Birmingham v Liverpool (7.45pm, Sky Sports)

Weds 22 Mar
Chelsea v Newcastle (8.05pm, BBC1)

Thu 23 Mar
Charlton v Middlesbrough (8pm, BBC2)

City Addicks last night with Steve Brown and director David White (no Robbo, sadly) was a fine night. Brownie gave us a number of frank insights into Curbs' management skills and the players' states of mind, and despite having a job on the side scouting for West Ham, referred to Charlton as "we". A top man, and cases of Magners all round for the organisers.

Didn't mention Kevin Lisbie's loan move to Derby earlier in the week - he's expected to make his debut against Plymouth tomorrow. Derby could well be joining Forest in League One next season and are in a terrible state, so it's unlikely they'll be able to afford to buy him. The sad story of Lisbie's lost potential is set to go on.

For us, it's Villa at home tomorrow, which could be another stepping stone on the road to sticking our noses back into the top half of the table. I'll take a ground-out and dull-as-ditchwater 1-0 win, thanks.

All quiet on the Toon

My best-laid plans to spy a crafty look at our game at Newcastle went to pot and I ended up watching Chelsea v Barcelona in a couple of pubs in town, although I had convivial company to laugh at the own goals with. As for us, a clean sheet at St James' Park and from the little I did see of the game's first half, it looked fairly even. And from the reports I've just browsed, it seems much the same. Anyone who went or saw the full game, how was it? In the meantime, four points out of our games in hand? I can't complain.

Unlike a chap at our pub close to New Scotland Yard, who demanded to know why one of the customers was wearing a Barcelona shirt and not backing Chelsea, despite being obviously English. Because weren't we all backing the English team? Oh no. Heads craned around, and asked what nationality our questioner was. "I'm Russian," came the reply, before the poor bloke scurried off under a barrage of jeers and scornful laughter.

(Wyn Grant has the full gen on the Newcastle game.)

Toon time (slight return)

Uh-oh. The noise from the tedious circle-jerk that is the Champions League will probably drown out all but the most exceptional result at St James' Park tomorrow night as Charlton return to Newcastle to finish the business we should have completed at Christmas. Since then, Fat Freddy's shown No-Good Graeme the door, and in have come Good Guy Glenn and Misery Guts Al, who, shock, horror!, have got the Barcodes moving again. Even Keiron Dyer, once assumed to be facing an existential crisis which would baffle philosophy's finest minds, has found his scoring boots again. Ooops.

So it'll be a tough old game, and All Quiet In The East Stand salutes everyone who's making the journey. I didn't fancy the solo trip and I'm certainly not mentally strong enough to take the free coach - 11am from Charlton, for heaven's sake! - I think I'd rather listen to the Champions League anthem played on a child's recorder. (And dear me, I think Clive Tyldesley needs the toilet after Thierry Henry just scored.)

The game is being screened elsewhere in the world, so if anyone asks, I'll be jetting outside these borders for a couple of hours and then returning to share my ill-considered opinions. Now, who's this Parker kid again?

Cup of anticipation

So, Middlesbrough at home it is then - what do you reckon? With all respect to our opponents (they're thinking the same, anyway), we probably couldn't have been handed a better chance to make history and get into the semis for the first time since 1947. It's our first home quarter-final since then as well, so we're really into uncharted territory here.

Before you get a cornflake packet and some tin foil and start glueing together your own replica cup, it'll be a tie against an evenly-matched team which has been doing sterling work in the Uefa Cup. The Smoggies' league form has picked up since their 7-0 humiliation at Highbury, while we'll have a league meeting at The Valley on 11 March (the 12th if Boro stay in the Uefa Cup) to study each other's form. We might have Darren Bent, but they have Yakubu. Let's face it, it'll be the first time anybody's looked forward to playing the Boro for quite a few years...

With success, though, comes hassle. And that's before we've even thought about the possibilities or two or three London clubs all going to Cardiff for the semi-finals.

Contrary to what cafc.co.uk and the club's e-mail bulletin said earlier, the tie could be on one of four dates - between Monday 20 and Thursday 23 March. The midweek fixture is so Sven gets his month off for England, the spread of dates is for TV coverage. We could end up on the BBC for the first time in many years, but as they get first dibs at fixtures (so they'll take Chelsea v Newcastle on the Wednesday night, then), it's a bit uncertain.

In terms of selling tickets, we'll be hoping Sky pick us, as the Flask Express gang may be less inclined to shift from their sofas if it's on proper telly. A £265,000 fee for a TV game may sweeten the blow, but come on, we've got to sell this out!

And our other fixtures may well be mucked about too - a Monday fixture could see our final trip to Highbury postponed from 18 March, while a Thursday game is likely to see the visit of Newcastle moved to Sunday 26 March.

Boro have their own issues as well, with the Uefa Cup providing an additional squeeze on the schedule.

But don't take my word for it, ask Mr Alan Curbishley.

"The FA have some sorting out to do. We are giving the England team an extra week to prepare so the quarter-finals are being played in midweek.

"It means someone will have to play on the Saturday and again on Monday, which isn't ideal, or someone playing on the Thursday night and again on Saturday.

"We are talking about the Premiership being this prestigious tournament and the FA given a higher profile but it doesn't look too clever when you have four games spanned out like that.

"We want to give the England team the best opportunity but perhaps we should all be playing Tuesday or Wednesday. Wiser men than me can sort it out." (more)

Wise men? FA? Well, he's got to butter them up, I suppose... still, it's a nice problem for us to have. Let's enjoy ourselves while this lasts.

Sick perverts ruining football shocker

MILLIONS of sick-minded people are ruining our national game, All Quiet In The East Stand can exclusively reveal ahead of this summer's World Cup.

An in-depth investigation has discovered their sick Sunday habits are putting the fabric of Premiership football at risk.

"It's disgusting," our source said. "Every morning, they're buying a foul rag which puports to 'back our boys'."

"But instead of getting behind the England team, it's become obsessed with whether any of them are gay or not.

"No one really gives a toss these days, but by buying this stuff they're pushing football back into the 1970s."

The ringleader is reporter Rav Singh, who fails to disguise his excitement at seeing photos of men having fun, and gets his kicks by badly Photoshopping them and then sniggering at them in his tawdry publication, the News of the World.

"I mean, why is he so obsessed with consenting adults sticking mobile phones up their arses, or indulging in a spot of casual sex?," our source said.

"You think he'd keep his sick obsessions to himself, but because people buy this rag, he just carries on. It's a free world - he gets turned on by licking Rupert Murdoch's arse after all.

"Clearly his colleagues in the sport department are so revolted by his obssession - it makes their lives more difficult for a start - because they've keenly followed stories about banning anti-gay taunts, which is what this sort of story would encourage."

"Frankly, I think News of the World readers should be hounded out of their homes, and copies should be burned in the street," our source added.

"I like living in a free and easy and open-minded world. I also want England to do well in the World Cup. If we sent a message to the News of the World to pack it in, maybe we'd get both. Because I don't want our best players mucked around with just because some ignorant tosspot is desperate to know what they get up to with their mates."

Charlton 3-1 Brentford

Blimey. Whisper it, but... we're in the quarter-finals! In the sixth round for the first time in six years, and it didn't look like it was going any other way. A comfortable win over a poor Brentford team who turned out to be all Martin Allen's mouth and no trousers - Leyton Orient provided far more threatening opposition. A simple Darren Bent goal after three minutes set the pace, while Jay Bothroyd's free kick finished off any hope of a Bees comeback shortly before half-time.

Substitute Shaun Bartlett set up Bryan Hughes well for our third after 62 minutes, while Brentford only woke up after Isiah Rankin capitalised on some poor defending with eight minutes to go. Too little, too late for the Bees, and a solid team performance saw us through.

The only real threat came from the fussy and rarely competent Mike Riley, doing his best to interrupt any movement in what was a scrappy old game. And the only real threat from the Bees came early in the first half with a touch of handbags between the stewards and the fans in the Jimmy Seed and the East Stand.

So we're through to a midweek quarter-final - ta, Soho Square - who else fancies Liverpool at home?

Before the Bees

It's nice to have had a quiet week before this afternoon's Cup tie against Brentford - even if it did start with that loss to Citeh. Regular All Quiet readers will know I don't go in for match previews, especially when the bloody thing kicks off in 90 minutes, but I hope it's an omen that I just typed "Bentford" by accident. Turns out our manager took Mrs Curbs along to Brentford's 2-0 win over Southend on Valentine's Day, the old rogue.

I do hope Kish gets some support today - check out this intriguing post on Netaddicks, originally posted to the mailing list. He may not be the best midfielder in the world, but he never gives less than his all for us, and in an age when players get everything on a plate, that's something to be cherished.

I nipped down to Bromley Cricket Club - "crawled" would be more apt, since trips to Mars are easier by bus from Charlton - on Thursday to see Dennis Rommedahl and Stephan Andersen do their thing at a local supporters club meeting. It was a damn good night, Stephan's clearly unhappy about being out of the squad but chose his words carefully. Dennis is an absolute charmer and shows signs of that rare thing in football... intelligence. They both said how much booing the players affects the team. Shame they were probably preaching to the coverted.

Which is a good point to remind you the estimable City Addicks are meeting on Thursday at the City Tavern off Cheapside - special guests Steve Brown and John Robinson. Should be an absolute cracker.

Talking of past players, remember Kim Grant? He's now at AFC Wimbledon, hoping to push the Dons into the Ryman League play-offs - and to force his way into Ghana's World Cup squad. Good luck to him, hopefully I can get down there soon to take a look.

And finally, good luck to the new fanzine, Valley View, which goes on sale today. Now, if I leave the house quick enough, I might even be able to buy a copy...

Upton lark

Wandering home from work tonight, I noticed I'd been sent a text message. From Charlton. Bloody hell! It's usually pretty reliable! Must be something up!

T-Mobile Traffic Update: Heavy traffic on M1 southbound J2-1 please allow extra time to get to Upton Park this evening.

I stopped in my tracks, feeling a bit dozy and knackered, and thought - well, I'm outside Tesco on Cheapside, I only need to go down to the Bank, change at Mile End and... hold on a minute! Silly old T-Mobile had sent a traffic alert meant for Birmingham fans heading to the Boleyn to get beaten. Ho ho ho. Actually, I've just recieved another one.

T-Mobile Traffic Update: Heavy traffic heading into the Birmingham goal. Please be prepared for a swift journey to the Championship next season.

And West Ham, eh? Sixth? All those fancy airs and graces! They never call these days, don't even acknowledge our smiles, just that talk of "Europe". Booo. Looks like the Irons will hang on for That Difficult Second Season in The World's Most Exciting League (TM), which got me thinking about next season. Because following Charlton away won't exactly be tough - there's likely to be eight teams in and around London in the Premiership. Reading have all but won the Championship, while Watford have snuck into third. Palarse are in sixth, but we'll brush that aside.

While TV games could easily stick a spanner in the works (you can picture bloody Reading on a stupid Prem Plus kick-off, can't you?) simple geography might just mean we get a better away following next season.